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Thread: Graveyard - Short Story - !Revised and Revamped!

  1. #1
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    Default Graveyard - Short Story - !Revised and Revamped!

    A long time ago, on an account I stopped using here on Arlong Park, I made a short story called "Graveyard". ( rarely ever used it, and stopped using it after several days. Long story behind that.) I decided to re-work the story, and make it long, way better, etc. Besides that, ending more content to the tale by fleshing it out, AKA continuing where it ended. I also plan on changing some names in the story as well. This will also give me a chance to use some new English words to broaden my knowledge on speaking the language.

    So, to start off with, this is the original story: http://www.apforums.net/showthread.php?t=17590

    Name changes:
    Renee ---> Beox Talent (I took letters from the word kick-boxer to make this name. Also, the change is because that was my cousin's name, so I rather not have memories reminding me of my family. Plus, this name is better! o:)
    ---> Age change = From 17 to 20.
    Air ---> Wora (I took letters from the word arrow to make this name. Also, Wora won't be a boy like in the original, but as a female; which reflects on my gender.)
    ---> Age change = From 17 to 24.
    Wind ---> Airwind (I just combined the names of Air and Wind from the original story.)
    Robert ---> Robert (No change.)
    Bishop Wolf ---> Bishop Jackal (I switched the names of the bishop and the priest, as I feel like this will fit the character better.)
    Priest Jackal ---> Priest Satan (I think this will fit the character better.)
    Nun Mary ---> Nun Xmas (The name is from Christmas, and it fits the character and her attacks.)

    Other Characters:
    - Mr. Talent (Beox's dad)
    - Mrs. Talent (Beox's mom)

    Current Area: Windy Village
    ---> Jackan Church
    ---> Jackan Graveyard
    ---> Air Woods
    ---> Airwind's and Wora's Home/Shop
    ---> Beox's and her Parents' House

    Also, when I wrote this story back in 2008, was a few years when I stopped being a Catholic; and went to being an atheist at the time, but I kept it hidden for the most part. So, I think the story back then, was me rebelling against the religion. Now, I want to try different things, and writing is one of them. So, why not rewrite the one story I did so long ago, and improve on it; inside of pretending it never happened? (Something like that.) Anyways, hope everyone will enjoy this new version, and constructive criticism is welcome; as I do want improvement in my writing skills. The story will start in the next post, as this post will be reserved for character and place names, among other things.

    --- Update From New Post Merge ---

    Chapter 1: Introduction

    In Windy Village, there lived a young girl and her uncle. The girl is 14 years old, and she has red, shiny like hair. Besides that, she is pretty tall for a kid her age, around 5 feet 4 inches. The color of her eyes are multi-colored, one eye is blue, and the other is green. She likes to wear different outfits, and her current one at the beginning of this story; is wearing a sky blue top, with a skort that is yellow like the sun in the sky.

    As for her uncle, his name is Airwind, which sounds like a very manly name, quite indeed. It fits his personality in a way. He is a tall man, around six feet tall. He is also 50 years old, but at the same time; he is pretty able-bodied as well. He eats a good and balanced diet, and he makes sure to teach his niece the same type of eating; so she can grown up to be a strong and healthy woman. He, compared to his niece, likes to wear similar outfits that look the same. So, his current outfit is a black top with a pair of brown trousers. He likes to carry an ax on his waist, which is small compared to regular-sized ones. Lastly, his hair color used to be a mix of brown and red; but due to his old age, there are streaks of white in there as well; besides that, his color of his eyes is brown.

    They lived near a forest that is called Air Woods. Honestly, that was how part of how Airwind's name came to be. His father decided it be cool to name his son after the woods they lived near by; though he felt like he did not want to make it that cliché, so he added a twist to his son's name; by adding wind to the name itself. Plus, the name had a theme to it as well, and made it feel like quite a manly name for his son, quite indeed.

    Anyway, Airwind's job was a simple, but sometimes a boring type of work. He basically sold lumber and made unique pots out of wood. Though he also created other things with the materials he uses like bowls and spoons. Of course, he used his lumber to make things for his own home.

    So, now our story starts in the kitchen of Airwind's and Wora's home.

    "Good morning Uncle Airwind!" said Wora with a bright smile across her face.

    "Good morning to you too Wora!" said Airwind returning the smile back to his niece.

    "How was your sleep last night?"

    "It was good, I had nice dreams once again. I dreamed of a flying unicorn who let me ride him, while he flew across the sky."

    "Oh, I see. That sounds like quite a fun dream, quite indeed! As for me, I don't remember what kinds of dreams I had last night. Funny thing though, I used to remember them when I was younger. I guess it might be because of my old age!" chuckled Airwind.

    "Naaaa, you are not old uncle! You gots no wrinkles!"

    "I guess you are right. I do take good care of my body, and hopefully you remember what I taught you about self-care while you get older; when I move on from this life. So enough of my rambling, here is your breakfast. Spinach and eggs!" Airwind said with a smile on his face.

    "Ah, cool. It is a tasty dish, but better when I put Parmesan on it!" So, with that in mind, Wora runs to the fridge and grabs the cheese to put on her breakfast. It looked quite yummy to her.

    "So, what are your plans for the day, my young niece?"

    "I am thinking of hanging out again with my friend Beox. She got this new card game that she wants to try out with me."

    Beox was the girl that lived a few blocks away from where Wora and Airwind lived at. She was a bit younger than Wora, but only four years. They did at one point go to the same school, but with the difference in age; Wora had to go to junior high. Though once Wora becomes a senior in high school, Beox will be a freshman by then, so they once again can go study at the same place like they did in the past. Speaking of school, it is currently closed for summer vacation.

    "Well, hope you have a good day at work Uncle!" Wora said while giving Airwind a great big hug.

    "I be off to play this new card game that Beox has in store for me! I wonder how it plays like." And with that, Wora left the house and went to Beox's home.
    Last edited by Ekila; December 17th, 2017 at 09:16 PM. Reason: Fixed a few errors. Wora's age and height.

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Graveyard - Short Story - !Revised and Revamped!

    Chapter 2: Card Game

    Today was a nice day in Windy Village. It was sunny and the temperature was around 80 F. There was not a cloud in sight, but there was some wind; though it was a nice breeze, which made the day even better. The trees were bright green, and shined when the sun hit them, while the cicadas buzzed around in this early morning.

    Wora enjoyed being outside, very much. She enjoyed the scenery, and how beautiful it looked. Along the way, she waved hi to the neighbors that were on their porches, while she was going towards Beox's house. Along the way, Wora found a stick, and pretended it was a sword; fighting fake enemies along the way, while at the same time; making sure no one will see her, as she was scared of being judged by others for her behavior. Anyway, after a nice hike towards her friend's home, she finally made it to her destination. Beox and her parents were out on the porch, enjoying the weather.

    "Good morning Mr. and Mrs. Talent!" Wora said with a smile.

    "Good morning back to you!" said Mr. and Mrs. Talent.

    "How have you been?" asked Mrs. Talent.

    "I'm doing great! And before you ask, my uncle is doing great too! Sales for our shop going nicely, as well!"

    "That's good to hear. Seems we are getting a church in this town, despite most of us being atheists or agnostics."

    "Oh, that's cool, I guess. Not something I be interested in anyway."

    "I'm the same way."

    Beox decided to butt in, "Okay, enough of this talk, it's MY time to spend with her, and not yours!"

    "Alright, alright. Off you go kiddos."

    Beox got a hold of Wora's hand, and pulled her along to the backyard. "I can't wait to show you this new card game! It is from the game Final Journey IX!"

    "Oh, that is cool! Can't wait to try it out!"

    In a way, Beox is quite a spunky and pushy girl at times. She has bright blonde hair, and she prefers to wear pants a lot. She also has green eyes, so with her hair color; it is a rare combination to see. She is currently 2 feet and 10 inch for her height, she has quite a ways to go height wise; since she is only 8 years old, so there is still hope for her yet. Her current outfit that she has on is a pair of black jeans, and a green shirt with the word "AWESOME" on it. By the way, she did get some traits from her parents.

    The blonde hair came from her father, also he has an average height for a man, coming around at 5 feet and 9 inches. He is a bit on the hairy side on his body as well. He has brown eyes, and he currently has a mustache; which looks quite weird on him, since it is blonde like his hair. He is eight years younger than Airwind, coming around the age of 42.

    As for Beox's mom, she has the green eyes, that was passed down to her daughter. She is also around the same height as her husband, coming at 5 feet and 8 inches. She is also a little on the heavy side, but not really fat. She has brown hair that is a bit wavy; also she is younger than her husband, being at the age of 36. Both parents are good friends with Wora's uncle, as the three of them knew each other since when they were children.

    Beox and Wora finally arrived at the backyard. Wora saw that Beox already set up the new card game on the table. It seemed much different compared to how the video game was, so there might be hope that it will be a better card game; and not as frustrating as it was when she played Final Journey IX. As at times when she played the video game, she lost unexpectedly; and her rare cards got taken away. She than tried to get it back... and lost again, never seeing her precious card again.

    "This card game is quite an improvement compared to it when it was in Final Journey IX! The cards actually state what the different powers are for example, and it seems to be more balanced as well. There is no random blocks like in the original, which is okay; as it makes the board look smaller, and more challenging; but at the same time not as frustrating as it was before." said Beox.

    "Yeah, knowing what attack and defense your cards have makes it much easier on what you have to do. So, I'm guessing the battles are similar like how it was in Final Journey IX?"

    "Yes, it is. Each card has different arrows like up, down, left, right, and of course the corners as well."

    "Ah, okay. Thanks for the refresher on the game! I see it has twelve spots now, so all the cards have to go on the board."

    "Yup!" giggled Beox.

    "Alright, let's start playing! Oh, but how do you know who goes first?"

    "We roll this dice!"

    "Okay! Hope I win!" smiled Wora.

    "Nope, I will win!" laughed Beox.


    When Wora and Beox were playing their card game, in another part of town; near the new building of the church, were two mysterious people.

    "So, have you got the machine all up and ready?"

    "Yes, it is currently in Air Woods."

    "Do you think this help people convert to join our church?"

    "Yes, as we will be the town's "saviors" protecting them from these creatures. For now, it will be a test run; as we still need to finish building our new church. Besides that we have to create a name for our new place of worship."

    "How about Jackan Church like our Bishop's name?"

    "Well, his name is Jackal, but Jackan makes it sound better. I think he will agree with that."

    "As for the town graveyard?"

    "We cannot make it ours yet, as we need to convince the people of this town first to change it; which of course requires us to have people join our religion."

    "I gotcha. Well, I see you around. Oh, before I head out, when should we test the machine?"

    "After 12:00 PM tomorrow. I call you later on the specifics."

    "Alright, well I talk to you later."

    "Same to you. Peace!"

    Last edited by Ekila; December 14th, 2017 at 10:30 PM.

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Graveyard - Short Story - !Revised and Revamped!

    Chapter 3: The Weird Machine

    While Wora and Beox were playing their card game, and the two mysterious people were talking about some plan that they were trying to do; Airwind was around trying to do his work for the day. As usual, he heads into the Air Woods to find strong, sturdy pieces of wood. He has a small-scaled ax attached to his belt buckle, but that one is used for fighting, not for cutting down trees for his shop. Though he rarely ever uses his petite weapon, as he does not face much danger in the forest. It really is a peaceful forest with deer, rabbits, and birds all doing their animal things.

    So, it came to a shock to Airwind that he saw this weird bunny that was missing half its face, with its bones showing out. It had jagged, pointed teeth. Its fur was white with red stains around it, besides that, it had no eyes; basically empty sockets, with only darkness in those hollow pupils. Airwind also saw that it had blood splatters around its mouth, and there were dead rabbits around it. It was weird to a cannibal bunny in the Air Woods. Airwind was a little freaked out, but not really scared; as he was mentally strong when it came to these kinds of situations.

    He was curious about this strange creature, and felt like he had to do something about it to protect this forest since this abnormal critter was dangerous.

    "I'm sorry to do this little guy, but I have to protect these woods. I think it be better off that you can rest in peace since you seem like you are diseased and sick."

    Airwind threw his ax at it, yelling "AX TOSS" at the poor and disturbed being. It died in one hit. He went to pick up his weapon, and then noticed that the ones that were eaten by that sick rabbit, where getting up; and surrounding him. Airwind jumped backwards, to get out of that trap; while at the same time yelling, "AX BOOMERANG!" destroying them all with one hit. It seemed now the coast was cleared.

    "Sheesh, that was quite a unusual experience. I never faced anything like it."

    He went further in the woods, and found some nice trees he could use for materials for his tiny shop. So, he decided to head back, but on the way he noticed something weird. A giant machine. It was silver with black lines going up and down. It had the words "Zombie Machine" written on it. There was also a panel on the strange contraption with a few buttons. There were names on them. One of them was "Make", and another was "Absorb". He also noticed it was smoking on one side, seeing hole marks on it. Seems like some male deer thought it was an enemy, and tried to ram into it; probably because it felt like it posed as a danger.

    So, then how did the rabbit get changed into this "zombie"? He was not sure, but he did feel like he had to break this machine before any more trouble starts in these woods. He saw the best way to do that was to break the lamina of the mechanism. He used his ax and yelled "AX SMASH" destroying the panel out of commission. The different buttons flew in the air while he kept on smashing it to make sure it stopped working for good. It seemed to him that the machine was down; and would not turn on, but he was not sure. Though his gut feeling was saying that the contraption is dead, and he gots nothing to worry about.

    After that, he proceeded to go get his pickup truck, get his main ax to start working on cutting those trees, and of course bring them back to his work station afterwards. While that was going on, Wora and Beox were still playing that card game; with Wora losing badly.

    "Sheesh, just like in the game, I'm losing here too..."

    "Nah, I'm just that good" laughed Beox.

    "Well, I want to go for another round! I will beat you this time!"

    "You are on!!!!"

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