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Thread: Confession Session II

  1. #2161

    Default Re: Confession Session II

    He is super nice and friendly. But he wants me to write a LOT in one go, which is like utterly impossible for me to do. LIKE. I freeze and cant do anything due to the pressure. I already talked to him about it. He promised me not to force me again. I didnt want to tell him because he could get upset. Thanks everyone for listening to my deranged rant lo.

    --- Update From New Post Merge ---

    He is super nice and friendly. But he wants me to write a LOT in one go, which is like utterly impossible for me to do. LIKE. I freeze and cant do anything due to the pressure. I already talked to him about it. He promised me not to force me again. I didnt want to tell him because he could get upset. Thanks everyone for listening to my deranged rant lo.

  2. #2162

    Default Re: Confession Session II

    Quote Originally Posted by Captain Krupp View Post
    He is super nice and friendly. But he wants me to write a LOT in one go, which is like utterly impossible for me to do. LIKE. I freeze and cant do anything due to the pressure. I already talked to him about it. He promised me not to force me again. I didnt want to tell him because he could get upset. Thanks everyone for listening to my deranged rant lo.
    Oh, oki! I understand now. Thanks for clarifying in what you meant. Though you should never be afraid to tell your friends how you really feel, they will appreciate it even if they get upset a little about it. And you're welcome! :3

    --- Update From New Post Merge ---

    Quote Originally Posted by Medical Orbit View Post
    I have a tendency to forget about something if it's not right in front of my face. I could be brushing my teeth and realize I'm low on toothpaste, then after I'm done brushing my teeth I'll immediately forget because the tube of toothpaste is no longer in my line of vision. It could take me several days to remember something like that for long enough to take action.

    A common issue is that people don't read important things they're supposed to read, like a store's closing hours, a site's rules and FAQ, or the syllabus for their class. But I'll read and forget, and might even forgot that I read until I reread it and recognize some of the information. I remember in 7th grade, I gave a wrong answer to a question about a book we were reading, and the teacher called me and a few other students up to ask if we actually read the chapter. Everybody else said no, and I said that I only read up to page 11. I didn't explain the reason why I stopped reading (I saw a brown stain on one of the pages and didn't want to touch it) because I was scared the teacher wouldn't believe me. She gave us a warning and threatened us with punishment the next time we didn't read (a choice between spending our next lunch period alone or having our parents called). Then I learned that while I didn't read the whole chapter, the correct answer to the question was actually in a part of the chapter that I did read.

    On the other hand I sometimes remember extremely specific details, like that it was page 11 I read up to in that book. Considering how long ago this was and how it was a one-time incident that nobody ever brought up again, I feel like a lot of people wouldn't even remember anything about this at all.
    Oh, interesting. Memory works in weird ways. Not sure how it works for me, though I do have repressed memories because of trauma.

  3. #2163

    Default Re: Confession Session II

    I got drunk for the first time ever. Tried a Spice Rum. Not my first drink, but I wanted to be prepared for the worst.

    I hated it. I probably won't do it again.

  4. #2164

    Default Re: Confession Session II

    Quote Originally Posted by onemoment View Post
    I got drunk for the first time ever. Tried a Spice Rum. Not my first drink, but I wanted to be prepared for the worst.

    I hated it. I probably won't do it again.
    Nobody liked their first drink

  5. #2165

    Default Re: Confession Session II

    I am growing more and more worried I wont be able to make new friends. I am 30 and its not normal for a guy who's thirty to just have the interests I do and I am afraid of being a relic of the past. I love you guys. You are awesome.

  6. #2166

    Default Re: Confession Session II

    Quote Originally Posted by Captain Krupp View Post
    I am growing more and more worried I wont be able to make new friends.
    Yeah, I know the feeling of not being able to make new friends. Like at times I make them, but then I lose them, and it makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong. So, I can relate in some way.

  7. #2167
    Discovered Stowaway The D.'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
    Location
    Wisconsin

    Default Re: Confession Session II

    Probably not the place to ask this, but I don't know where else. Has anyone heard from Starlalilymoon recently? I'm a little worried about her and she hasn't been responding to me recently.
    Gonna give ya the D.!

  8. #2168
    Bruh, spill the D. Cobra Banclock's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Your Mom's, telling her I love her.

    Default Re: Confession Session II

    I don't know her, but I respect you a lot for reaching out, The D. I hope someone helped you out with an info by now and I hope she's doing fine. It's good to look out for each other like this.

    --- Update From New Post Merge ---
    @Captain Krupp:
    Theres got to be something you like to reach out to people, as there's a community for almost anything.
    What are you into, besides One Piece obviously?

    --- Update From New Post Merge ---

    Quote Originally Posted by wolfwood View Post
    Nobody liked their first drink
    Well I did. Unlike many people I didn't start with beer tho. Fuck that noise. And taste. And smell.
    I can accept and love people that like it, but I will never understand the appeal.


  9. #2169

    Default Re: Confession Session II

    You are so mega kind Cobra! You make me smile! I love Precure and stuff like that.

  10. #2170

    Default Re: Confession Session II

    Quote Originally Posted by Cobra Banclock View Post
    I don't know her, but I respect you a lot for reaching out, The D. I hope someone helped you out with an info by now and I hope she's doing fine. It's good to look out for each other like this.
    Yeah! I explained to him what was going on on Facebook. Basically, I was in the mental hospital for suicide attempts for a week. It was really stressful, but I got things figured out.

    And I'm thankful for The D. caring about me too, he's a great friend, and I'm glad he's in my life.

  11. #2171

    Default Re: Confession Session II

    MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    You all always make me smile!

  12. #2172

    Default Re: Confession Session II

    Merry Christmas, happy new year.

  13. #2173

    Default Re: Confession Session II

    First confession post of 2021, and it's a pretty serious one.

    I originally wrote it up on Discord, and since then I've been sharing it around because
    I feel like venting about what happened is helping me to process it.

    TW: non-consent, pseudo-incest

    Spoiler:


    ---------------------------------[Youtube]-[Patreon]-[Twitter]---------------------------------

  14. #2174

    Default Re: Confession Session II

    God this is so fucking terrible. Im so sorry you had to go through this. We are here for you.

    EDIT:I thought about it some more. I want to give some advice. Do not let her be alone with him again.

  15. #2175

    Default Re: Confession Session II

    That's straight up horrible tabloid shit.
    Get your mum away from the creep.

  16. #2176

    Default Re: Confession Session II

    This will be pretty negative sounding as it deals with my PTSD, suicide, etc., so I spoilered it for those that don't want to read negative things like that. I just want to explain what has been going on in my life recently.

    Spoiler:
    So, to start I have PTSD due to the past with bullies and family. One of my PTSD triggers is loud noises, specially super loud music or loud bass. What happens when I get triggered? I get panic attacks, high anxiety, excessive crying, suicidal thoughts, cutting, not feeling safe and flashbacks. It seems flashbacks happened after the fact or maybe subconsciously during.

    So, I have neighbors currently, who play super loud music and loud bass that shakes the ceiling. This has been going on since October 2020... the neighbors went on vacation, and I had time to relax a bit, till they came back in June 2021.. which just brought back all of my issues and worries.

    I tried to talk to them in the beginning, even trying to explain how it affects my mental being. Except she was like "whatever" and that "she does what she wants." And my landlord won't do anything either. So, I'm just being tortured to no end, and it has been really wrecking up my psyche.

    Like I even wanted to show proof that I have PTSD to my landlord, but he didn't want it. Apparently, I just have to deal with it. And I'm also in a housing program, and my previous housing specialist did shit, and hated that I complained about the noise. She treated me like I'm crazy, and mind you this program is supposed to help people with mental issues.

    So, I have been having suicidal problems since then. It was so bad that I had to send myself to the hospital in December 2020. And when they came back in June, at the end of the month, again I had to send myself to the hospital to just feel safe. They decided to put me in a crisis center which was nice since I got my phone, but both times I at least felt safe.

    In regards to solutions, I finally got my Section 8 voucher (government assistance to help with paying rent), I could start looking for places. I got it back in April 2020, but it seems my housing specialist at the time (The one that treated me like crazy), didn't do shit. I didn't get to see any apartments or anything.

    I gotten a new housing specialist who actually does her job, doesn't treat me like crazy, and I actually been seeing apartments. The problem is not many places accept Section 8. The other problem is... I keep wanting to get the apartment, but then something happens, which I shall explain.

    The first apartment I seen, was too small because I had too much stuff. It only had a bedroom, kitchen, and bathroom. The next one I saw it was great, it was on the highest floor, in a nice area, had laundry inside, etc. I told my housing specialist I take it, and then I find out the next day it already was taken... The third apartment I went to see was even better, was even next to a grocery store in walking distance! I saw it, then applied as soon as I got home. Then I got an e-mail stating to "encourage" my current landlord to call them; which the secretary of the landlord did, and they told her they didn't know what she was talking about! Honestly, it got be paranoid, like is this place being super disorganized or is it because I'm trans? Though it seems to be the first. I was able to get back my application fee, but it was really upsetting, the apartment even had air conditioning! (The housing program helped.)

    The fourth apartment I wanted to see, I got a showing, but then the day before the showing it got taken... when it was just put on the market! Finally, I seen an apartment, but I was iffy about it because of the floor in the bedroom.. it was a slight decline.. And apparently the listing said they accept Section 8, but the property manager there didn't even know, he said he contact the landlord and call me back, and he never did. So, it has been rough, it also doesn't help that most apartments don't want to accept Section 8 because of the stereotypes.

    And even trying to get an extension on my Section 8 was annoying! The case worker I have wouldn't e-mail me back, and would not pick up the phone till I chained called three times, and he finally picked it up on the third call! Sometimes, it makes me feel like it is this city... But finding an apartment and getting rejected a lot is getting to me too because I just want to get out of this hellish apartment, but I keep having bad luck in finding a way to get out of here.

    With all this going on, it has really broken my psyche. Doesn't help that recently, I had a horrible meltdown and tried to cut everyone from my life and then go end my life. Which is what I try to do... but failed. I was really close with one of them, though. Since my flashbacks bring me back to early 2000s, where people pretended to be m friend or partner, and it just amplifies that feeling, and makes me think it is happening right now.

    I do see a therapist, I see her once a week. And with covid restrictions going down, her PTSD group therapy is back which I'm in. She is also bringing back another group for stress and anxiety, which I be the first to know. Hopefully, this can help me. Currently, I have been trying to hang in there, but it is really hard. I decided to avoid political talk for starters, and tried to use what I learn in therapy to survive. I'm gonna work on my social skills with my therapist using DBT, which can help me a lot, especially since I have borderline personality disorder.

    Thanks for to those who read all the way up to this point. My life has just been super difficult, especially with my living situation. I do plan to sue my neighbors after I move, but I'm scared.. I'm not good at standing up for myself, especially with what happened in the past with being discriminated for being trans, which is a story for another day I plan to share in the LGBT thread. I just wanted to explain what was going on, and I'm also really sorry for those that I worried with my behavior.

  17. #2177

    Default Re: Confession Session II

    I really feel for you starla! You've been so nice to me and all of us! Nice people like you shouldnt suffer like this.

  18. #2178
    OKAMA WAY Kirbycide's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2020
    Location
    Blooming in the Depths of Hell

    Default Re: Confession Session II

    It really pains me to hear all this, Starla. I wish you the best of luck in therapy and in sorting out your housing situation.

    Hopefully, before long, you’ll begin to worry less about what other people think of you. Know that you have friends here who do care about you and want you to take care of yourself as best you can.

  19. #2179

    Default Re: Confession Session II

    Quote Originally Posted by Captain Krupp View Post
    I really feel for you starla! You've been so nice to me and all of us! Nice people like you shouldnt suffer like this.
    Oh, I see! Yeah... I do have low self esteem too, so it is hard for me to see that I'm a good and nice person. Especially with my current situation.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kirbycide View Post
    It really pains me to hear all this, Starla. I wish you the best of luck in therapy and in sorting out your housing situation.
    Yeah, I have been trying to go out more to avoid the noise, but it is hard regardless because I'm not good at going out much.

    Hopefully, before long, you’ll begin to worry less about what other people think of you.
    I do agree with you. I think too much of what others think of me. I think it is because I want to be loved and cared for.

    Know that you have friends here who do care about you and want you to take care of yourself as best you can.
    I understand. Thank you!

  20. #2180
    Discovered Stowaway The D.'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
    Location
    Wisconsin

    Default Re: Confession Session II

    I feel like there is nothing in this world for me. Even momentary distractions don't work anymore. Everything is just shit. How do you deal with life when literally nothing interests you and you have no hope of it ever getting better? It's becoming unbearable.
    Gonna give ya the D.!

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